shake and wake me up it must be a dream..

Today was a very good day had 2 of my grandchildren since last night. Then bammm slap in the face. My dad had some of his ear cut off last week because of cancer. The made it look good. It is a little smaller then the other but hey we can handle that. He went today to get it checked out and make sure they got it all. BUT they DIDN'T. I can't believe it. It was like a stab in the heart. I don't understand. He doesn't drink,smoke,not over weight,doesnt take illegal drugs, no high blood pressure, basic he is healthy. he is 73 and acts way younger. Now I know one day he will no longer be with us but not this way. They are going to try radation on him. But if that doesn't help then it could go to his brain. Right now it is in his inner ear. Why does this have to happen. My dad is strong, talk reason into us.He is there for us when we need him. But the funny thing about him is he is a pack rat. He goes through things and brings them home to fix later on. I know it will happen one day but how am I going to go on and not see my dad everyday or at least talk to him. I am just so sad. I am going to have to be strong for my mom. I will have to be there for her.
She has been with my dad since 1955 and they got married in 1957. They had my sister in 1959, me in 1961, my brother Todd in 1963 and my brother Rod in 1965. We are a close knitted family. We kiss and hug hi and kiss and hug bye. This can't happen to my daddy. Better go before I break up again..

still can't belive it

I know I get on here and just sound down all the time. but this is how I feel all the time now. I still can't belive we still have to go to food banks to get our food. tomorrow they are holding one in a local town around here and I will be getting up early and go so I don't have to worry about food for my grandchildren. I just don't understand people sometimes. I know they have to lay people off if there isn't enough work , but sometimes they don't know the effect they have on the home front when they do. The place I worked for was a family owned buiness. They are on face book so when I see that some of the family members go on trips to nice places it just doesn't sit in my stomach to well. since I have to count pennies , cut coupons or choose which medince I have to fill this week because I don't have enough money to pay for it all in on week. I am just glad I bought christmas for my grandkids before I got laid off. At least they will not think to bad of grandma because she couldn't buy them something. When I got laid off all my life insurance stop to where i have no more. what sucks is I paid for that with my own money and I can't carry it on my own. So I went to the same company to get more life insurance with my health issues you never know. So I got a letter today that tells me that I can't get life insurance. let me quto to what they say " At this time we are unable to provide the insurance protection you have requested because of you medical history of Lupus and confidential medical history" Now isn't that the "shits" they will cover me when i worked for my old place but not now... So now I have to go to the furneal home to make arrangements to make payments so I can have a half way decent furneal.. I laid in bed last night and just cried . Wow ...

It is only Wednsday.

Will another day has gone by and nothing has really happened. Of course that is the way it goes everyday. I don't have enough gas in my car to go anywhere and if I did have enough gas I have no money to do anything with. I think we sunk low today. My son went and got food from the food pantry. I just can't believe I am 49 years old and am in worst shape now then when I was youner. I thought when I got older and the kids are out of the house that things would be easier. But I am telling you for me it is harder. I am help raising my 2 little grandchildren every other week and it is hard. My body just isn't young and can't go any like it use to. I know this is way to much information but I have no sex life to look forward to make my life a little bit excited. When I got laid off I thought I would enjoy the time off since I worked since I was 16. I hate not working,I hate not having adult conversation, I hate that I don't dress up to go anywhere, I hate so many things. maybe it is all in my head I don't know. But I guess my life started to screw up 20 or so years ago. I can't say all I did was a screw. If i didn't do what I did I wouldn't have my son or my 2 grandchildren and I love them very much. Oh well another day and another post. yah!!!!